Congregation Internship Final Self Assessment

Congregation Internship Assessment 

1.       Utilizing the course readings, your own journaling and the learning covenant, address the following:

a.      Briefly describe the nature of the work you did in this internship.  What were your primary responsibilities?  What seemed to take most of your time and energy?

The amazing and unexpected part of this placement was that the church did not need me to do anything.  They are a fully staffed organization which opened their arms to nurture me and to focus on what I wanted to learn and do within their context.  That perspective made the nature of my internship unique.   My primary responsibility was to focus my energies towards my learning objectives which became the source of a lot of processing.  From a tangible perspective I would say getting out into the community and gathering and understanding of the ministry field consumed the most of my time.   

b.      How would you characterize the relationship between you and your supervising pastor?  In what ways was the supervisory process helpful for your formation in ministry?  How could the relationship have been more helpful for your pastoral formation?

Oddly, as a mature student I was older than my supervisor.  However, it was the care of which Rev. Ant related to me considering that dynamic which I believe made the relationship more productive and special for me.  Rev Ant gracefully took me under his wing, in as much as I was willing to go.  His keen sense of acceptance and presenting posture towards the internship as a sharing created an alcove learning, respect and inclusiveness that allowed me to disarm, be open to the process and mine the benefits. 

I would definitely classify Rev Ant as a major contributor to my formation.  Moving forward I would love his contribution as a mentor in this journey of becoming.  

2.       For each of the following categories, assess your (a) current strengths and (b) areas of needed growth:

a.      Interpersonal Relationships. (Examples: listening skills, accepting people different from yourself, discerning the needs of others, working with individuals and groups, dealing with conflict, honoring confidentiality, pastoral initiative, social graces, empathy, and maturity.)

Listening Skills

·         The Anglican Church is a parochial styled institution in that not only is the membership under the pastor’s prevue but the entire parish.  Parish referring to the geographical location assigned to the church.  As part of my placement introduction this concept was explained to me and I was encouraged to adopt the paradigm.  This was a great shift in understanding, and I found it a bit uncomfortable at first.   Being parochial is a public embodiment of your faith and purpose and invites others in even at times when you want to be off.  It also involves becoming a part of the fabric of the community.  Knowing the community, businesses, workers and neighbors within the parish.  Engaging them in their everyday life and listening to their concerns.  Although being present and on all the time took a bit of getting used to.  I found that the posture is also a great gift.  It provided a wider birth in order to observe a community as opposed to single enigma when conducting ministry.  

Accepting people different from yourself

·         The unseen gem of this internship for me was that it was not of an American context.  I had become so inundated with conversations of Race, Politics and Gender in the United States since entering seminary that the prevailing postures and attitudes had seeped so deeply into my perspectives and I had begun to hold them as universal truths even though I am not American and was aware of other contexts. With Rev Ant begin British often times we would have extended conversations around my thought processes which shaped my point of view.  Mainly because he was trying to understand my pov as it was different from his British context where the divisions are drawn with other criteria such as class.   These conversations helped me to understand that in each space I enter, be it countries, congregations, culture or individuals that I must practice divesting myself preconceived notions and operating processes that may have served me in other spaces but recognize the uniqueness of where I am and look outward for understanding rather than within.

Discerning the needs of others

·         When entering into the placement I had ideas to offer community events at the church such as community sing along and ecumenical prayer meetings as a way of opening the church up to the community as the Anglican church has a perception as being separate from other churches. I thought these kinds of open events would help others to see the work St. Paul’s doing and the sincerity of the people.  After even a few weeks I realized that the time or the fit was not right and abandoned the projects and began to look to the members to determine what they desired.

Working with individuals and group

·         Rev Ant taught me how to enter in to a congregation.  How to gain the trust of the congregation and the importance of being a person of integrity in these matters.  Be humble, be curious, be prayerful and actively listen to everything going on around you. How to identify the gate keepers of the congregation and community and work with them.  Being parochial minded played a role in this as well so that you cannot minister effectively or with integrity to a body of people you do not know. 

Dealing with conflict

·         There were a few occasions when meeting with fellow clergy that conversations may have gotten terse and I had to discern which road to take.  There were times I had to clarify my position, agree within myself to disagree with grace.  Sometimes because of my curiosity (and questions) that was difficult to curb and understand that often times you can learn the answers to your questions by watching and listening closely.

Honoring confidentiality

·         Rev Ant invited me into his realm, and he shared a lot about his congregation and used real life examples to highlight various points.  He shared personal aspects about himself, his family and what he has learned.  All of it together allowed me to see the process of becoming and how to maneuver through different setting.  He was transparent.  All of this was for my benefit. Because of that I felt a great sense of responsibility , in a small environment to be careful about how I presented him and his ministry to others.

Social graces

·         Learning to be parochial, developing community partners, discerning culture and ministry put me amongst a wide variety of people, social, economic and ministry settings that required me to understand the field in which I was currently in and how navigate that field successfully.  As a woman and as a Bermudian many of these spaces I felt an expectancy to be, look and engage in a particular manner that may not have been required of my expatriate, male counterparts.  Recognizing those expectations, I found a way to be honest and humble and met my objectives for the varying situation

Empathy

·         As part of my funeral exposure this summer I assisted in the burial of remains of one of our elderly members son.  I arrived to the site early to be met by the funeral director, the gentleman and one mourner.  During the conversation the gentleman told me how he travelled with his sons remains in his carryon in the overhead compartment in the plane.  My heart was immediately touched.  At the end of the service to watch this 80 something year old man be determined to get down on the ground and lower his son’s remains into the grave left me with a myriad of emotions, thoughts and understanding about life, death, grief and living.

Maturity

·         There was a point in the internship where Rev Ant questioned my decision not to attend the 8am service.  My reasoning was because I had no care for my daughter and that she didn’t have the ability to self-monitor well away from home.  He pressed me really hard about the demands of congregational ministry questioned my ability to do so while Zj was young or at all.  I believe Rev Ant would agree that he was tight in his statements and inquiry.  In that moment I had to make a decision whether to be offended or listen for wisdom in a conversation I was not enjoying.  In the end I was clear about my reasons and intentions within myself and I able to receive what was being said to me and use it for food for thought. 

                               

b.      Vocational Clarity (Examples: call to Christian discipleship, shape of future service, discerning Gods presence in events and personal life.)

Despite Rev Ant’s best efforts many people and the congregation and community thought I was on placement for the Anglican Church.  Once people discovered I wasn’t there ensued a summer long of meetings and conversations as to why I should give the Anglican church some consideration.  Many of those arguments appealed to love of country and family and their future.  A lot of it made sense and appeared to be a natural fit.  Through conversations with my family, thinking through where I am in my life and prayer I decided that despite my attachments I needed to follow the path I understood God had laid out for me at this time.  I was consoled to the fact that the answer was not a no to ministry but a not now.

Additionally, the intense conversation I had with Rev Ant about the possibility that congregational ministry might not be my calling, made space for me in my processing to discover there are other areas of ministry that lend themselves naturally to my skill set and that I am passionate about.  I would not have seen those avenues without that conversation.

Part way through the placement I felt like I was satisfied with what I had seen and experienced in Bermuda and that it was ok to turn my attentions to other ideas and pursue Presbyterian ordination.

c.       Theological Competence (Examples: ability to understand biblical and theological concepts and to reflect on these themes in various situations and pastoral activities, ability to articulate what you believe through liturgy and preaching, teaching, and pastoral care, to utilize theological and biblical resources with integrity and competence.)

I had ample opportunity through preaching a variety of types of services, observing Sunday school, teaching mid-week communion, through prayer and leading service  to engage that intersection between God’s word and intent and my ability to communicate it well.  Mid-Week Communion I believe would have proven most challenging as it tends to be a more open sharing with experienced believers.  I was concerned I would not have the depth to convey thick of the text and navigate the loose teaching environment.  All went well and I was competently able to communicate the text and create the desired learning environment.

d.      Professional Skills (Examples: leading liturgy, preaching, teaching, administration, pastoral care, social ministry, evangelism, leadership, personal work habits, time management, designing and implementing programs, communication skills.)

An area of challenge for me is preaching.  With experiences spanning such a wide range of faith expressions I have the ability to mimic many forms of preaching however I am searching for my own voice.  This summer I saw a twinkling emerging.  A personal style that is as flexible and as varied my worship expression.  Being whatever is needed in the hand of God is an undergird of my ministry philosophy so even though I have a ways to go in this area I was happy to see something emerging.

My first opportunity to lead intercessory prayer I prepared by incorporating Anglican prayers and style with my extemporaneous tradition.  I was satisfied with the outcome.  The next opportunity was a surprise.  I was scheduled to pray but I was not aware of it until just before my name was called.  With no preparation available I relied on the holy spirit to be appropriate.  I sang a prayer response stanza then extemporaneously prayed through the other sections and weaving in the Anglican liturgy.  I was content with my efforts and the congregational response. 

As I have stated in other portions of this work, my time management has improved but can still tighten up. Most of it has to do with being better prepared and underestimating the amount of time a task may require.

During my time with St. Pau’s I had to opportunity to share a grave management project as the church administrator was in the midst of redoing the system.  Also, with the church warden I had the opportunity to discuss ways in which the church could develop revenue centers. While I was not in position to implement the strategies both parties communicated that what I offered were both informing and doable.

e.       Systemic Issues (Examples: ability to think systemically about families, congregational organization and processes, social issues, community and institutional dynamics and relationships.

I have this concept I call helicoptering.  It is where after gathering information I try to step back and see it as a whole as opposed to individual events.  This practice allows the opportunity to see commonalities and it tends to yield a fuller perspective in which to deduce and render options and possible solutions.  Examples of this context would be in discussing my findings and contribution on a matter of concern to the Diocese in the cleric meeting and working with members seeking change in the church and what that change would look like and why.

3.       Assess your progress in each of your learning goals for this internship.  Identify the obstacles you encountered.

·         To understand the place of the church in the community and with ecumenical partners.

This was a tremendous opportunity to meet clergy from multiple faith traditions to determine the ministry being conducted in Bermuda individually and collectively.  To assess the possibility of a sustainable alliance and develop professional fellowship.

I thoroughly enjoyed this experienced and it was the most intriguing aspect of my placement.  It was amazing to enter spaces where people thought you were of one faith yet met them in the conversation in a way they did not anticipate because they assumed, they understood your faith tradition.  The gap filler skill set that I possess opened many doors and allowed clergy to feel at ease and able to discuss their ministries in a more intimate manner. 

·         To get an understanding of the whole funeral process (including from the pint of view of funeral directors).

Having only attended one funeral in life I have very little experience with death, dying and the funeral process.  During my placement we demystified the process and I was able to receive teaching from Rev Ant on the role of the pastor in the death cycle and the how to administer pastoral care to the bereaved during their loss.  I had the opportunity to participate in a consultation for a funeral and later participate in the service.  My visit to a long-term local funeral home to tour and discuss the culture of death in Bermuda was eye opening and informative.  The whole process opened me up to growth and development.

·         To begin to plan strategies for managing family life while doing ministry.

This area was particularly difficult for me.  While I engaged my ministry supervisor endlessly on how to do family and ministry in different areas in real life all did not go smoothly.  One thing I must remember is that this is a learning curve me and my family and everything is not always going to go as planned but that this is not a sign of failure. I am continuing to add structure that will assist with expectations of me both for my husband and my daughter.

·         To become confident and competent leading public worship in a traditional church setting.

Towards the end my time with St. Paul I felt that I was becoming more comfortable with the services because I understand the liturgy and purpose better.  I had found a way to articulate my experience in an Anglican frame work that the congregation could receive. The competency gave me a great boost of confidence.  Additionally, I believe I found a way of blending faith styles that I can utilize in the future.

·         To start to build a pro-active pattern of ministry.

This was interesting.  Rev Ant is a person who believes greatly in self-care, the priority of family and balance.  He taught me a little system of scheduling in my diary that I will be utilizing this year.  Ideas and tips for prioritize yourself and practices first.  From here I built a frame work in how to construct my day and meet my obligations.  I still need lots of work with time management and over scheduling but through practice I will become more aware of my capacity.  Another great lesson learned this summer was how to discover your lane and stay in it.  Gaining that understanding that just because you have the skill set to do a project does not mean that you should and how that lack of awareness will contribute to overtaxing yourself.  Ultimately it is ok to preserve yourself for yourself and family.

4.       In light of the above assessment, what are specific course, internships, or other educational experiences you want to be sure to do while still in seminary?

To add to my preaching ability this semester I am taking Preaching Through the Lectionary so that I can become more familiar with the lectionary concept.  Also, the whole immersion in Anglicanism made me want to delve into Presbyterian History and Polity for a fuller understanding.  Other classes I would take as a direct result of this experience are:  The Art of Reading Congregations and Intro to Pastoral Care. 

5.       How would you describe your Supervising Pastor’s leadership style and / or model of ministry (e.g. What pastoral activities received the most emphasis and which seemed less important or engaging?  What title or metaphor would best describe how the pastor understands his or his role?  Chief Executive Officer, counselor, preacher, administrator, resident theologian, priest, prophet, teacher, midwife, evangelist, spiritual guide, etc.)  What strengths and limitations can you identify in the particular leadership style/model?

My ministry supervisor was a confident leader.  It was clear that he commanded his scope however not in egotistical or controlling manner.  His model of ministry was open and welcoming and not threatened by difference. From watching him I think it’s a posture gained from exposure and developed through experience. Rev Ant operates from a paroquial mindset.    

6.       Describe your emerging style of leadership or model of ministry using the questions above.  Is there a guiding biblical image or story to which you are drawn that informs your ‘style’ or ‘model’?

I am finding that no matter how many things might be happening at the church there are people who at various phases of their lives need a more personal connection.  That connection might be met in some form of a small group or on an individual one on one basis.  Those are the spaces I find myself most drawn.

 I would characterize the work as “walking with” individuals, couples, families during questioning, seeking or tumultuous times in their lives. Being a guide and underpinning for them as they navigate an aspect of their spiritual experience as need.   Being present to help them actualize what they are hearing across the pulpit, to be open to questions, prayer, sharing as needed, seeking and waiting on God with them.  To name that work I would imagine that would be a guide and teacher.