Case Study 2 - Personal Development & Reflection

Supervised Ministry Case Study 2

Today at ten a.m. I will be attending my first island wide diocese meeting as an invited guest.  The meeting is almost an hour away from where I am staying, and my child care options have dissolved.  I have no other avenue but to bring my daughter with me. 

The context to this is that the attendees are primarily older white men.  I am the first female to join the cohort, I am not Anglican, I’m a person of color and children are not expected to be at cleric meetings.

I took great care in my appearance.  Packed every possible device and activity to keep Zj entertained.  I gave Zj and firm talking to about what was happening and my expectations of her and off we went.  Zj’s personal context is that she is a 7-year-old only child and has always enjoyed me as a stay at home mom.  She has had all access to me in the past.  She has never known me to work and Bermuda is usually our free time to vacation, beach and visit family and friends.  This summer has not been that and she is upset about all the changes taking place.  At one point she was even demanding to return home to her father.

How do I as a minority and a mother learn to navigate these spaces that are out of context for me and still show up in confidence and strength to contribute intelligently?

Group Discussion

When the case study was presented to the group there was bits of encouragement but no concrete help.  The women understood the anguish of having to bring your kid to the meeting even though they had never had to do it.  The men said they couldn’t relate other than being a minority in the room.  We were unable to speak on this case study at great depth.

Reflection

Entering this meeting and this new space in my life with my child I was tempted to feel I should be embarrassed and present false humility.  I was concerned about the stereo types that I could be representing but, in the end, that posture didn’t sit well with me.   I decided to take another route.

I am a proud intelligent woman who is bright and brilliant and who brings a dynamic to the table that is not represented.  I can be confident in my ability and gifting and make meaningful contributions.  I have decided that this oppressive stigma of being labeled minority is not my issue and I refuse to where the suffocating garment.

I proudly entered the service with my daughter, who is my sunlight, with her back pack of entertainment.  While things didn’t go perfectly, I refused to be embarrassed and I went on to offer intelligence, from my findings, that were invaluable to the meeting.

I walked away from the meeting feeling as though I had done my best to honor my many roles and not have dismiss or down play my role as a mother to be present as clergy.  Learning to walk in my truth confidently in these foreign spaces.  I realize that there will be many points along the way where I may have “buoy up” process within myself and define my own standards along this new path.  It was not an easy task, but I glad it was presented to me.

Almost a month after the event I mentioned the experience to my Ministry Supervisor in my weekly meeting.  Upon my approach to the conversation Rev Ant said he was wondering and waiting to see if I was going to bring the event up.  I stated that it took a lot of processing and I’m quite when I do that kind of personal work.

In our discussion he let me know that they had never had a child in any of their meetings.  That there had always been an unspoken code that it would not be acceptable.  However, my attendance, with Zj and invaluable contribution to the meeting was brilliant.  He went on to acknowledge how difficulty it must have been for me to do, based on previous conversations.  He was honest that there were times he and other coworkers needed to bring their kids with them but choose not to break the invisible expectation of what it meant to be professional within that space.  Rev Ant said he appreciated my position and stance. His final note was that I shinned as a seasoned, confident cleric professional.

This is the new posture I have adopted and hope to grow into over the coming years.